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Entering the Unknown..

So, what is life?

Many people have different views of what life is. What makes it, what it means.. I would have always said I believed that happiness was the number one ingredient to a happy life. But then came a time when it all changed, and I began to look outside myself as I find when people think of happiness, its not a selfless thought and usually is about the question – what would I want? 

Now I was still thinking of what would make ME happy, and that was to become a mother. But the selfless side of that? What could I provide a brand new little human being. Well for starters, a parent to provide absolutely unconditional love as any mother should, along with an equally loving father, with which I have what I would luckily describe as a very stable relationship with my best friend.

So it was no surprise when the news came that we would have a life changer arriving in the coming months that we were in fact, shocked and overwhelmed! And so months of doctor and hospital visits ensued..

There was many a time through these months I would wonder what I am sure most mothers to be would be – who would he/she look like? Among other endless questions….And then we found out that we were going to be blessed with a baby girl, and that was another step to throw us a little closer to the reality..

Roll on to the 1st of October, and I am sat there thinking wow, due in 9 days! But no, I was waiting 2 weeks past my due date of the 10th October to meet my little girl..

As I sat on my sofa of a Friday night, due in to the hospital for an induction early the next morning and STILL it hadn’t yet hit me that I was having a real live human! How you may ask? Well, even with those little fluttering movements inside and a very pronounced stomach NOTHING can prepare you! And in that same moment on that Friday night – it began..

Fast forward to 7.04am that beautiful morning, and there she was..This gorgeous little girl who had been the cause of my heartache (and heartburn!) for the last few months..Incredible…..

A feeling of terror, fear, love, joy, it all overcomes you in that moment..That you have to care for this little one because you were the one who brought her into this world and by god you BETTER do a swell job…Or so new mothers think..

I can tell you, apart from seeing that little face for the first time, the happiest I was, was when I got to go home the following day. You see I’m not one for being peered over or watched while I’m doing things that already put me under pressure. In fact I hate it. In the hospital there was nothing but anxiousness and emotions running through my veins and dare I want to be away from these people of profession that know it all.

But I’m not going to lie, the first days as a mother were still just as emotional and tough. That’s why I was out on day 2, baby in tow, out for lunch with my other half and friends, because I would probably have prolonged that step if I hadn’t have done it then. I would recommend to anyone to get out in the fresh air – its good for mind, body and soul. Plus it gave me some confidence back in myself which you really need after having a baby. Labour is probably one of the most traumatic events that happens physically to a woman, so I wish in that hospital I had of been just a little easier on myself, but there you go, You live and learn. 

And then when you do get home to your lovely humble abode you realize you have PHN appointments and doctors appointments which are worrying for any new mother for all naturally silly reasons and all this among visitor after visitor.. You think, when will I actually get to enjoy my motherhood? When will I stop checking if my baby is breathing? When will I stop freaking over a little pimple on her cheek? 

Well, the good news is, that time does come, and sooner than you may think. I have been a mother for all of 5 weeks and for the majority I have not obsessed over such things, and I was OTT, especially in the hospital! This is how I know it gets easier, and I have now lost count on how many times I’ve gazed down at my daughter and actually savored this new experience. Wow…we made that. That gorgeous little human. Scanning her face, every eyelash, her pretty eyes, her smile…this is what it’s really all about.

If becoming a parent teaches you anything, it teaches you that entering the unknown is of course a scary thought, but taking chances can lead to something so amazing you will begin to think how you didn’t do this before now. But I also know this. That events in your life happen for a reason, and they happen at that particular time for a reason. Nobody said it was easy, they just said it would be worth it. And I wouldn’t change a thing. ❤



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