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Why I don’t see playschool as a “break”

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So it is now less than two weeks away until our beautiful girl begins a new chapter in her little life – playschool!

And while this is indeed a very exciting time for all involved, and I am looking forward to seeing how she does with it, I can’t help but look back on what’s constantly been said regarding this new beginning.

“Oh that’s great – you get a break away from her at least!”

Now it’s not all been remarked in this same way word for word, and I do know what is meant by it, and it’s of course not in a heartless way at all.

And it’s most definitely true – I will get this “break”. I will get to drop my daughter off to her playschool, and leave her there for three hours of a day.

But to me, and for many others I’m sure, it’s a little daunting.

I don’t even know what I’ll do for those three hours. Clean? Cook? Have an undisturbed coffee? Twiddle my thumbs and watch the clock?

It will probably realistically be the latter part of that for the first while anyway.

But to have this little person who has been your wee sidekick for almost three years, the little person who has been depending on you, and now gets to depend on someone totally new for this short time, it’s a little bit of a heart breaker.

I have never seen being apart from my girl as a so called “break”. She is my number one priority and the reason why I do what I do.

She is a very confident child who skips off to her grandparents maybe once a month to stay, and I have left her for longer periods before too, but this move seems so, permanent.

When you are a stay at home parent, you do have purpose. You are here to take care of your family, your home, and your young children.

Being a stay at home parent is not for the faint hearted, but it also a place of love, of purpose, paid in kisses and snuggles.

Times change, they grow, the dependency changes, but with that it’s like a little piece of everyday motherhood has been chipped away.

Don’t get me wrong – I am so thrilled for her that she will make new little friends, have that interaction, but at the end of the day she is still my baby.

Then comes the worry of – Will she like it? (She totally will) Will she be treated fairly? Will she be looked after and protected both physically and emotionally? Will she treat others with the same kindness?

It’s a hell of a move handing over this little human that you have guarded for so long. This little flame that you have kept alight, hoping that nobody cruelly puts it out.

As parents we can’t be there every second of every day for our children throughout their lives, but it does make saying goodbye at the playschool door that little bit harder.

So for this new beginning, I know I will be anxious, but hope that every day that she comes home to tell me about her day, happy, loved, content, will put another piece of my heart back in place again.

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